THE CHEF FROM HELL

WPIG  Littleburg, New York

(somewhere in Long Island)

LATE BREAKING NEWS:  Hot on the heels of the Vatican's release of the Ten Commandments of Driving this week, renowned archeologist, Dr. Herman Hogswallow, stunned the world with an announcement proclaiming the discovery of the Ten Commandments of Eating!

At an early morning press conference, held in the parking lot of the 7-11 on Sunrise Highway in Littleburg, New York, the scientist (attired in a costume similar to Charlton Heston's Moses movie garb)  confirmed his astonishing discovery, "After much speculation amid my collegues, there is no longer any doubt that this document is indeed the Ten Commandments of Eating that was given to Moses on Mount Sinai  in 1300 B.C."  Holding what looked to be a clump of frayed parchment, the wild eyed scientist cleared his throat and continued, "The Church of Rome can try and ignore this, but it won't go away!"   

By this point, an angry mob made up of fast food  workers and clergymen had gathered in the parking lot.  Without warning, the crowd rushed forward and engulfed Dr. Hogswallow as he waved the piece of tattered papyrus above his head crying, "You fools!  To err is human, to eat is divine!" 

Our erstwhile staff reporter, Milo Roswell, who was on the scene at the time, observed that "Dr. Hogswallow looked out of sorts.  He seemed a bit incoherent and dazed.  There are some vague rumors making the rounds that he had spent the previous night drinking eldeberry wine at the local Radisson hotel down the road from here, but I can't confirm that at this time.  The most shocking moment ocurred when Dr. Hogswallow began waving that ancient scroll around.  To this reporter's eyes, the document seemed to contain crude drawings of what looked like a Kraft Macaroni & Cheese box and several Oreo cookies.  Can this be further evidence that the Kraft and Nabisco food corporations are in league with that mysterious alien lifeforce that once visited humankind so many centuries ago?  You decide!  This has been Milo Roswell reporting for WPIG in Littleburg!"