THE CHEF FROM HELL

To me, one of the major annoyances of modern life is the way products are packaged. I suppose I first noticed this years ago when I started purchasing compact discs. "Hey, hand me a razor blade, I just bought this great cd and..." 

I recall that things got wierd after some nut tampered with a supply batch of Tylenol years ago and now, due to fears of terroism, we are living in a world in which products are packaged in a way that literally challenges the consumer to find a way to open them without doing damage to themselves.  "Hey Honey, hand me that ice pick, I just bought this package of Armenian Goat Cheese and..." 

An article in The Wall Street Journal from a couple of years ago related that for food product manufacturers "easy product openings are key for two important target customer groups -- kids and aging baby boomers."  Aging baby boomers?  Oh no!  My secret is out!  Yes, I fall into that much maligned generational herd known as "the baby boomers".  But that doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to open a product without having to go to the hospital to get treated for lacerations of the hand, face and other parts of my delicate physique.  "Hey Honey, hand me those pliers, I just bought  some Dr. Lazlo's Energizing Low Fat High Fiber Bean Sprouts and..."

Consumer Reports, one of my favorite mags to read, has what they call The Oyster Awards which is about hard to open product packaging.  My personal  criteria for being nominated for this award would be:

• A product package is so difficult to open that you find yourself cursing like a drunken sailor
• Does the opening of the product packaging require tools such as scissors, a ball-peen hammer, acetylene torch or a knife?
• Will other people in your household come to hate you because you made their lives hell in the process of trying to open that package?

Consumer Reports, in it's March 2006 issue, states, "You need a delicate balance of force and fitness when opening some bags to avoid spraying the kitchen counter with fruity flakes, while playthings have become captives in their plastic shrouds, restrained by wires, bands, straps, tape, glue and screws."  Yes, indeed.

Is there a solution?  An answer?  Not really.  We'll all just have to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and go to work on opening those darn products we love so much.  "Hey Honey, hand me that chainsaw!"